Well, I have successfully completed another semester of college. It's hard to believe that I am over half way done and only have 3 more semesters still I graduate. With it being the end of the semester and almost the end of 2013, I have spent a lot of time recently reflecting. Reflecting on how my life has changed in the past year. The good... the bad... the ugly. All of it.
Part of being INFJ means that I need these moments of reflection in order to keep my brain from going crazy on me. If I don't take these moments to reflect and remind myself of where I am at and where I am going, it is very easy for me to lose sight of the big picture. Too often I find myself stressing about all of the little things that I face each day. These moments of reflection help me regroup and get prepared for the next season God has for my life.
Even though I know that saying goodbye to another season (and semester) is good because it allows God to bring a new season into my life, it doesn't make saying goodbye any easier. I have a really hard time dealing with things ending, even if it is small stuff such as classes or jobs. I often find myself worrying that I will lose friends whenever something ends. My friends are often friends because we are in a class together or working together. Because of that, I never know if they will stay friends with me after the work is completed. And that constant fear of losing the people who mean the most to me can sometimes paralyze me and make me terrified of anything ending.
In my fear, I often do not react the way that I should. Instead of just believing that God has a plan and will keep my friends in my life if they need to be, I try to make time stop. I procrastinate finishing my final homework or packing to go home (which is what I am doing right now). I distract my friends from finishing their work so that they have to stay around me longer. I find excuses for them to hang out with me and say that there is some other work that we forgot. I do everything except accept that the season is over. Doing so often makes me physically sick. I wait until the last minute to finish my work that is due and end up having to pull all nighters to get it done on time. I also end up more stressed and anxious once it is over because I have avoided it for so long and have grown so fearful of it actually ending.
I wish that I would learn to just trust God and know that these endings are just the start of new beginnings. That He has a perfect plan for my life that is just beginning. That no matter how hard the goodbyes are, they will be worth it in the end. I wish that I would remember that even though I get scared every time, I later see that it was only when that door closed that a better one was able to open. Last semester, I was terrified of the next. But now, it has been one of the best semesters of my life. God has taken care of me every step and turn along the way.
Maybe it's time that I stop thinking of them as endings and remember that this is just another step in the amazing plan God has for me. I need to stop fighting him when He says it is time to move on and trust that He is moving me into something better than I could ever imagine. It is only once I reach that point of total surrender that He can work fully in my life and reveal Himself to me in a new way. I may not be at that point yet, but I hope that I am growing and getting better and better each time. Someday I may be able to not even blink when a season ends. Someday maybe I will accept the change with excitement. But until that day, I am taking it one day at a time and working on slowly surrendering all of my worries to God. Because He has tomorrow already taken care of. :)
Part of being INFJ means that I need these moments of reflection in order to keep my brain from going crazy on me. If I don't take these moments to reflect and remind myself of where I am at and where I am going, it is very easy for me to lose sight of the big picture. Too often I find myself stressing about all of the little things that I face each day. These moments of reflection help me regroup and get prepared for the next season God has for my life.
Even though I know that saying goodbye to another season (and semester) is good because it allows God to bring a new season into my life, it doesn't make saying goodbye any easier. I have a really hard time dealing with things ending, even if it is small stuff such as classes or jobs. I often find myself worrying that I will lose friends whenever something ends. My friends are often friends because we are in a class together or working together. Because of that, I never know if they will stay friends with me after the work is completed. And that constant fear of losing the people who mean the most to me can sometimes paralyze me and make me terrified of anything ending.
In my fear, I often do not react the way that I should. Instead of just believing that God has a plan and will keep my friends in my life if they need to be, I try to make time stop. I procrastinate finishing my final homework or packing to go home (which is what I am doing right now). I distract my friends from finishing their work so that they have to stay around me longer. I find excuses for them to hang out with me and say that there is some other work that we forgot. I do everything except accept that the season is over. Doing so often makes me physically sick. I wait until the last minute to finish my work that is due and end up having to pull all nighters to get it done on time. I also end up more stressed and anxious once it is over because I have avoided it for so long and have grown so fearful of it actually ending.
I wish that I would learn to just trust God and know that these endings are just the start of new beginnings. That He has a perfect plan for my life that is just beginning. That no matter how hard the goodbyes are, they will be worth it in the end. I wish that I would remember that even though I get scared every time, I later see that it was only when that door closed that a better one was able to open. Last semester, I was terrified of the next. But now, it has been one of the best semesters of my life. God has taken care of me every step and turn along the way.
Maybe it's time that I stop thinking of them as endings and remember that this is just another step in the amazing plan God has for me. I need to stop fighting him when He says it is time to move on and trust that He is moving me into something better than I could ever imagine. It is only once I reach that point of total surrender that He can work fully in my life and reveal Himself to me in a new way. I may not be at that point yet, but I hope that I am growing and getting better and better each time. Someday I may be able to not even blink when a season ends. Someday maybe I will accept the change with excitement. But until that day, I am taking it one day at a time and working on slowly surrendering all of my worries to God. Because He has tomorrow already taken care of. :)
Comments
Post a Comment